Taking an Empathy Walk-- Getting into Shoes of Others

“You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view until you climb into his skin and walk around in it”, writes Harper Lee, the author of “To Kill a Mockingbird.” I am certain that understanding other people’s stand requires considerable patience and active listening. A few days ago, I called home and said, “Mom, after I graduate I am not going to work in the government sector.” There was a long pause. 

I have always had differing views from my mother especially when it comes to career choices and life goals. I remember the day when I declined every government scholarship for higher studies and stayed home the whole year without asking my mom. She was not pleased and kept on complaining about my independent decision because I was completely oblivious to what is coming next. But I always believed that the thoroughfare would not end there. 

When I called her, I thought I made a good decision. My mom never went to school. She always had the conventional thought that working 9 to 5 in the government sector is the best decision. “Why?” she asked on the phone. I still remember telling her why I declined every government scholarship once upon a time in 2016. I replied, “I don’t like working 9 to 5 for years.” I already knew what she'd say. She annoyingly responds “Why are you always like this?” I have had several scuffles on this topic before too.

While talking with mom, I told her how most graduates are helpless and clueless. They want to tread in the same way as done by the people and nobody wants to get out of this conventional path. I shared that when graduates fail the Royal Civil Service Exam (RCSE) they think it is the end of their world and turn suicidal. I have thought through that and I don’t know what is coming next but I want to pave my own path and become successful. I added that so many people working on their own ventures are successful and I’d do the same. 

In response she said she has always thought that I will, one day, become a successful government job holder and be respected by people. I wanted to argue but I knew there is nothing wrong with that thought because she was brought up in an environment where getting a good government job is the most coveted aspiration. My view of what I wanted to do next is contrary to what she wanted me to do. It is a deeply ingrained belief that is holding her from understanding me but I thought I would not be able to convince her until I show her what I can do.

I knew I would make her cross. I ended up saying I’d get a government job if I like it and if I can fulfill her dreams. 

Thinking about the conversation, I knew that I’d not have talked delicately if it is not for my mom. We are most often blunt. We listen not to understand and empathize but to respond. I feel I am more agreeable with other people too because I always feel there are myriad ways to understand or do things. The world is filled with perspectives and every perspective can be challenged. That is why I become more receptive to what people say and ask the same from other people.